BSA National Pike District

Jose: Knock, knock.
Julio: Who’s there?
Jose: Emma.
Julio: Emma, who?
Jose: Emma bit cold out here—will you let me in?

A book never written: “The Hardy Boys” by Mr. E. Ryder.

A man goes into a pet shop looking for a hard-working pet to do his chores. The owner says, “This centipede is the hardest worker you’ve ever seen.” The man buys the centipede. When he gets home, he says, “Centipede, go clean the living room!” Fifteen minutes later, the living room is clean. Next he says, “Centipede, go clean the kitchen!” Fifteen minutes later, the kitchen is sparkling. Then he says, “Centipede, go to the curb and get my newspaper!” After an hour of waiting, the man goes to the door and finds the centipede is still there. “Centipede, I told you an hour ago to go get my paper!” “I know,” the centipede says, “I’m still tying my shoes!”

Warped Wiseman wonders: “If people go to the gym to exercise, why do they fight for a parking spot close to the front door?”

Fred: Did you hear about the wig factory truck that crashed?
Barney: No, what happened?
Fred: I don’t know, but police are still combing the area!

A book never written: “Physical Education” by Jim Nasium.

Joey: The cure you suggested didn’t work.
Doctor: Did you drink a glass of milk after a hot bath?
Joey: I couldn’t. After drinking the hot bath, I didn’t feel like having any milk.

Dan: Did you hear the one about the egg?
Derek: Yeah, that yolk always cracks me up!

Daffynition: Geometry— What the boy said when he was turned into an oak.

An old man was talking to his neighbor. “I just bought a new hearing aid,” he says. “It cost me $4,000, but it’s state of the art. It’s perfect.”
“Really,” his neighbor says. “What kind is it?”
“Twelve thirty,” the old man says.

A book never written: “How to Get Your Way” by Dick Tate.

Pedro: Why did the chipmunk go to space?
Boss: I don’t know.
Pedro: To find an astro-nut!

Daffynition: Illegal—A sick bird.

Stephan: Did you hear about the two guys who froze at a drive-in movie?
Daniel: No. What happened?
Stephan: They had gone to see “Closed for Winter”!

A book never written: “How to Cross the Street” by A.J. Walker.

Gregory: What instrument did the Egyptians play while writing hieroglyphics?
Joshua: I don’t know.
Gregory: The cymbals!

Ben: What should you never feed a computer?
Adam: I’m stumped.
Ben: Spam!

A book never written: “Tropical Getaways” by Sandy Beech.

Bob: Where are French fries born?
Rob: Where?
Bob: Greece!

Joe: How much does deer meat cost?
Roy: Tell me.
Joe: A buck or two!